I have been a Christian for more than 40 years now. Most of that time has been spent as a literal child or juvenile in Christ. There is a reason for that. I am writing this to help us all see it better than before.
Do you remember that line you crossed mentally and emotionally when you were younger when you realized that you had crossed from being a child to being adult? I do.
The moment was actually a process of a few months as I was getting ready to transition from high school to whatever lay beyond. I started to grapple with the reality that my free-loading-lunch at the Mom-n-Dad Cafe was coming to an end. I would be launching out into a world where I would not be cared for, coddled, provided for, protected, or otherwise shielded from the raw world beyond my parents door step. What was really bad was that I didn't know how poorly they had prepared me for this next step. It was awful!
False Positive "Adult"
This scene also played out in my Christian life. I spent the first 20 years of my Christianity learning how to, and then playing "Adult-Christian", much like how kids play house pretending they are "mommy" or "daddy".
This reminds me of a very cute and amusing story about my own children engaged in this kind of play. My youngest son took on the role of "the daddy", while my daughter, his younger sister, adopted the persona of "the mommy". The situation was adorable and humorous, but obviously it wasn't real. They were just pretending as best they knew how.
As adults, we all recognize this fact. We can laugh and reminisce, but none of us would entertain the idea that this play-acting represented them being actual adults.
As a young Christian toddler, I followed a similar path. Development seemed to occur at a rapid pace, allowing me to perfect the art of pretense. This skill at pretending was so profound that I was able to fool myself as well as others who, like me, had also mastered the surreptitious art of acting.
In my mimicking, my pastor became a muse that I studied. At a skin-deep and pretentious level, I could emulate his speech, his actions, and his words. However, this exertion never went deep into me. Additionally, I committed scripture to memory and could regurgitate concepts and quotations from countless sermons. Some of these sermons, I had almost memorized verbatim, like scripture itself.
My proficiency in this role-playing was so convincing that it sparked initial interest in me from my first wife, eventually leading to courtship and marriage. In fairly quick course, she would see that the facade at church or in public was not the reality in the privacy of our lives or home. The house of cards would eventually fall in all directions—both divorce at home and divorce at church. A humiliating failure in just about every meaningful matter.
My experimentation with feigning spiritual maturity in Christ had resulted in an ultimate abysmal failure. However, in the subsequent phase of my life, the next twenty years from 2003 to 2023, I can now ponder - had I made any progression?
During those years, I found myself drawn towards a different theological movement – ‘Grace,' spearheaded by thinkers such as Joseph Prince and others. Though this made me somewhat more spiritually mature and sharper, the growth was minimal, akin to transitioning from a toddler to a pre-teen.
Impetuousness was the latest addition to the long list of my pretending attributes. Furthermore, I developed a rebellious spirit against my spiritual parents, namely, the church and pastor(s). Life mixed with rebellion was not a pretty sight nor was it beneficial in any way. Undeniably, there was no significant improvement or usefulness in this new form of pretentiousness.
At this point, I could still quote memorized scripture very well. My recitations of statements, clever sayings, clichés, and various content from men like Pastor Joseph Prince flowed smoothly due to my comprehensive study of “grace theology”. The ability to mimic these teachings rather accurately was a talent I possessed. Yet, it was still very surface.
A core thought from the ministry of Pastor Prince was: "Right believing results in right living." Can I say this? Hogwash. Sixteen years of trying this did not result in right living from right believing—well, that depends on what you believe.
In the end, being "older and wiser" merely indicated that I had refined my delivery skills over time and had indeed become more vigilant. Alas, it only signified that I had become a better pretender than I ever was before. What I needed was a new set of beliefs. Obviously, I was missing something.
Now — am I implying that I was "not saved" or "not a Christian" in all of the preceding? Absolutely not. What I am trying to articulate is that I was navigating life as if it were a highway transformed into a chaotic bumper-car arena. I was repeatedly colliding with the guardrails on a perilous road — amidst the dark, foggy conditions, and icy pavement. Despite managing to discern some of the lines, I struggled to stay within them. I was constantly being deflected off those guardrails by sin — an endless, weary cycle.
At this critical junction, engulfed by desperation, alienation, shame, guilt, and a multitude of other internal conflicts, the Lord compellingly guided me toward a significant transition. He ushered me to the pivotal moment of "growing up". This new phase would entail giving me "The rest of the story" as Paul Harvey used to say.
A Little Heiser in my life ...
Dr. Michael Heiser didn't save me - that was the work of God. However, the Lord used the words, actions, thoughts, and work of this man to show me where to find the rest of the story. These insights led to further revelations, which, by the Spirit of God, prompted my spiritual transition from being a juvenile into becoming a very young adult in Christ.
While at the physical age of eighteen, I became aware that the big, nasty world was my next challenge, a similar awareness came about nine to ten months ago. It is where the Lord brought me to a poignant realization of the firm reality of the adult Christian world all around me. The scene and story sobered me and instigated a deep change within me. It commanded me to pay attention and mature in my faith.
The Lord used Dr. Heiser as an impetus for me to perceive the adult world of Christ through a renewed perspective. It no longer would revolve around affectation, ostentation, or embodying an obnoxious, overzealous pretentious pre-teen for Jesus.
That being said, this transformation did not occur instantly; it transpired in rapid stages and continues even today. Here is a quick review:
- - Knock me off stride—My life as a zealous, but struggling pre-teen for Jesus had a certain rhythm. The first step was for Jesus to shake things up, metaphorically knocking me over and putting me on my back. In my case, that disturbance was rendered by COVID. In retrospect, I am not amused by the circumstances, but I am immensely thankful to my Lord for intervening. The experience was far from enjoyable, yet it delivered a significant result.
- - Marking time—As I began my recovery, I found myself spending increasing amounts of time on YouTube. I discovered an array of different videos, immersing myself in a variety of genres.
Interestingly, I started in a very specific sector. I embarked on a journey through the history of Pentecostalism, via explainer videos and recorded sermons. I was introduced to the prominent Pentecostal preachers of the last two decades. Admittedly, I cannot explicitly endorse them; my intention is merely to explain where my YouTube exploration originated. - - The Strange and Weird—It all began when a video from an eccentric individual named Trey Smith appeared in my YouTube feed. He had created an entire series covering subjects such as 1 Enoch, ancient Near Eastern history, and the unique aspects within it. His content piqued my curiosity and I found myself investing hours into watching. I didn't necessarily accept everything he said, but it was stimulating enough to prompt me to start asking questions.
Out of the blue, another video about 'Enoch' surfaced, this time by a man named Mike Heiser. I could not have anticipated it at the time, but my life was on the verge of a significant transformation! - - The Heiser Transition—I was completely captivated by Dr. Heiser's videos and felt compelled to purchase his book, "The Unseen Realm". To be candid, I hadn't bought or read any religious book since the early 90s prior to this.
During my earlier formative years, as a 'toddler-for-Jesus', I was conditioned to be wary of scholars and theologians. Consequently, only a select few books were able to pique my interest enough to warrant a purchase. Even so, my approach to reading them was rather haphazard.
Nonetheless, I found myself thoroughly engrossed in Dr. Heiser's "Unseen Realm". I digested the content whole-heartedly; word-for-word, footnotes, and appendices included. I was so obsessed; I was just a step away from memorizing the ISBN--just kidding.
In the end, it wasn't just the content of Heiser's book that most captivated me. Instead, it was the essence of the man himself that gripped my attention. I recall realizing that it was his discipline that had allowed him to produce all of the wonderful material I was reading and consuming.
Then, a realization struck me; my ingrained beliefs from my spiritual toddler days were misguided. I found that there was indeed value in the skills and adulthood of a bible scholar. Numerous benefits could be reaped by adopting the disciplines and fully immersing myself in the role of an adult learner of scripture.
I was completely hooked!
On one hand, I found myself ravenously consuming Dr. Heiser's materials - books, podcasts, videos, blogs, and more. I was eager to devour every bit of information accessible to me.
However, my interest was not solely fixated on the content. Equally compelling was the "how" - his disciplines, methods, ways of thinking, approaches. I pondered upon how he maintained a balanced perspective amidst all his ideation and knowledge, successfully discerning valuable insights from a barage of information and scripture.
Yet, my journey of exploration and understanding brought forth another crucial realization.
From my days as a toddler through my teenage years as a Christian, my thinking was very binary. It was filled with black-and-white views, right-and-wrong judgments, and good-and-bad evaluations. There was no room for shades of gray, sliding scales, or a range of possibilities. As a young Christian, I was a firm believer in absolutes, with little regard for nuances or complexities. However, Dr. Mike's work presented a plethora of demonstrable evidence illustrating that many issues are far more nuanced than they initially appear; they require a multifaceted analysis, rather than a one-dimensional, absolute viewpoint.
Tricks (movements) are for kids!
I recently wrote two articles. One focused on movements, and the other dealt with fads and faddisms. Together, they provide a literal framework to showcase two significant 20-year periods of my life spent as a "Toddler-for-Jesus" and subsequently, as a "Pre-teen-for-Jesus."
In the past nine to ten months, the Lord has led me through a transformative journey. This transition symbolized breaking free from the notion of remaining a spiritual child. It was time to grow up, leave the nest, and shoulder spiritual responsibilities. Adulthood would entail personal responsibility and costs.
The journey is now geared towards seeing and understanding Jesus for who He truly is, in light of scriptures. It's about grasping His story, discerning what He is up to, and earnestly focusing on my adult responsibility in Christ. As a faithful and loyal member of His family, I am preparing for the eternal life ahead- whether it is in heaven, on earth, or both.
Another gift from Dr. Mike in this was gaining the reality of the damage done by believing the gospel of Jesus through the lens of church traditions, doctrines, dogmas, without questioning a single one. I had never even considered that I wasn't actually believing scripture, but filtering it through what I was taught.
As a result, I read scripture in the raw, allowing it to say what it says, with all of its supernatural glory. This also meant understanding that scripture had a wider context in which it lived and that it had nothing to do with the last twenty centuries of time, teaching, and tradition. If scripture was going to tell its own story, it would do so in its own original context and worldview.
Gear change
So far in this article, I have been establishing a necessary groundwork to comprehend the title. The conclusion I am heading towards is that the Cross is much more intricate, nuanced, and complex than the simplistic Sunday School depiction I was raised with. This depiction remained unaltered throughout my 40 years, becoming slightly more nuanced during my Pre-teen-for-Jesus years.
However, what has shifted in this new phase of adulthood is the desire to delve deeper into comprehending the complexity of the Cross. There's significantly more happening there than immediately meets the eye.
What I have not lost from my spiritual childhood is a core understanding: Learning is not about the learning. It's about rescuing people and having the heart of a risk-taker for Jesus in that mission. It's all about mission: Rescuing souls and reversing the violence and disaster of The Watchers and their demon kids. Where they operate in hate and deception, we operate in the Love of Christ in us and His righteousness through us.
Kindergarten Cross
The 5-year old view of the Cross of Christ is simple: Jesus died for me and Jesus paid the price for my sins so I could live forever. Done. Fini. Over. Story complete. Move along. Next!
The adult perspective of the Cross of Christ is considerably more nuanced. Before the Cross, we were subjected to testing, but with no hope of passing. The test gauged our fidelity towards God.
Before the Cross, we were enmeshed in a labyrinth of blindness, ensnared by a personal addiction to our own rampant desires and passions. This was the quandary we found ourselves in, even if we harbored the will to accomplish what we inherently knew to be virtuous and right. Our spirits may have been willing, but they were bound by obedience to corporeal lusts and passions.
The view of life after the Cross is often juvenile, perhaps even infantile, in nature. This perspective thinks that Jesus did everything, where we are incapable and any work by us is unnecessary in our spiritual journey. It insinuates that we have a guaranteed spot in heaven due to His actions. However, this belief is not accurate. To surrender to such simplified understanding is akin to maintaining an infantile view of the Cross.
It is not the desire of our Creator for us to live our entire life with an ultimate work-free, growth-free golden parachute into heaven and a "get-out-of-hell-free" card pinned to our chest. God is not content with us being a line of kindergarten kids who remain forever-five.
Although this childlike viewpoint may hold some truth at the beginning of our spiritual journey, staying in this stage is neither our ultimate aim nor the intention of our God and King. Like any good parent, He desires for us to grow and mature in our spirituality, transforming us into spiritual adults. The intriguing dilemma is to wonder, what forms the crux of this transformation? What is the defining boundary that we must cross, propelling us from spiritual childhood into adulthood?
Do you remember the moment when you crossed the line from childhood to adulthood? Can you recall what delineated that boundary? For me, the answer was straightforward: I understood that the responsibility for the consequences of my decisions rested solely with me. I could no longer fall back on the comfort and protection offered by my parents.
Of course, they were still there to lend a hand if they chose to. However, their paramount strategy for my adult survival was to leave me as exposed as possible to consequences of my words and actions, rather than shield me from them. Decision-making and its resultant outcomes became a measure of my commitment to my personal welfare. It was a test of the veracity, benevolence, and morality of my choices.
In a perfect world, both my parents and I would accept that I would make mistakes and bear the brunt of their impact. But, the question was, would I learn from these experiences and truly mature? The answer to that question would determine the kind of adult I would become.
The same principle applies to the ultimate parent, God. The realization that the entire rendition of the universe is designed as a loyalty test carries even more weight than this simple thought. The Creator has a single objective in mind: will His free-willed creatures, who are made in His image, stay true, faithful, loyal, and remain anchored to Him and His essence? This entire universe seems pointed in that direction.
Consequently, our lives are not about us, but about Him. The implications of this are extremely high-risk and high-stakes—eternal life or eternal destruction. Anything in life that diverts our spiritual eyes and hearts away is a distraction created by our adversary. This distraction is designed to induce a state of spiritual stupor, caused by the drunkenness of our earthly lusts and desires. While God's primary objective is to test our mettle, which turns our loyalty or disloyalty towards Him into a battleground. The enemy constantly seeks to divert our focus and place our attention on anything but loyalty to Christ.
The amplification of battle
I spent ten years in the U.S. Army, Infantry. What I saw there in the officers above me were people of a singular mind: It was all about the mission. Everything came from and served one goal: "Mission accomplished" and doing that process well! This begs a question: What is the mission of God? What is our part?
The real step into Christian adulthood is when we awaken to not only the loyalty test of God in this life, but that the testing is that of a battlefield. It's like World War Two, with Allies and Nazi's, where God is the Allies and fallen Watchers and demons are intractable Nazi's. And then—there are human beings, where all of humanity is lined up on the Nazi side of the battlefield in a post-Edenic world.
This is the significance of Genesis 11. This where, at the Tower of Babel, that God pushed humanity temporarily aside in their third rebellion against Him and altered His tactic. If humanity would not obey, He would disinherit them from Himself, turn them over to members of His lesser elohim divine council, and seek and carve out a new nation of His own. That came through Abraham.
Those lesser elohim fell almost immediately, becoming the gods of the Mesopotamian ancient near east. The vast majority of humanity would suffer under their rule and the oppression, possession, and harassment of disembodied giants that the Jews knew as demons. Therefore, from the first incursion of a fallen Watcher in Genesis 3, to the invasion of the two hundred fallen Watchers of Genesis 6, culminating in the 70 fallen Watchers (gods) at the Tower of Babel incident—the war was on. The battle was engaged. The test for loyalty shifted heavily onto this battlefield of God versus the gods with humanity siding with the enemy.
It is this battle and battlefield that continues today. While the children in Christ might live sheltered lives at the beginning of our walk with Jesus, it is the very call of God and the King on every family member to rise and grow up into adulthood and enjoin the battle with Him—with Him in us, whereby we fight the battle, run the race, and do all that adult minded loyal Allied family members to Christ as King do. It's what we do!
Here's the bottom line. What causes you to grow up as a Christian? What is the line crossed from childhood to adulthood? It is now simple to define:
1. We understand that all of this life is a loyalty test. Will we be loyal to Jesus Christ as King and Savior, making this about Him and not ourselves? Or—will we crumble and fail, returning our loyalties or feigning our loyalties to Christ, giving them instead to fallen and soon to be judged and destroyed beings?
2. Will we join Jesus on the battlefield fighting in love, weakness in ourself, inward strength of Him in us, and in meekness, humility, and contrite hearts for each other as a band of brothers and for the lost? Will we join Jesus in storming the Gates of Hell to rescue hell's hostages—loving them rather than condemning?
These are the two matters that make an adult. Children strive for their own comfort. Adults know the sting of personal sacrifice for the cause to which they belong. The cause of Christ is not about health and wealth. It's about joining Jesus on the spiritual battlefield with the full knowledge that it may cost us everything, even our very blood and life.
Adulthood is not comfort and safety. It is risk and the possibility of losing our physical lives for spiritual gain—both in ourselves, each other, and those yet to be born again into the Kings Kingdom! This is now how the Cross of Jesus Christ plays out into our lives. It is a high calling and not shallow.
Therefore, the mission of the King of kings and His Kingdom is the reversing of the Sins of the Watchers and their demon kids, repairing and reversing their damage to His work, and rescuing the souls of human beings to enlist them at His side in His overall mission. We are to become His loyal agents, joining Him to complete His mission. It is all that matters.